


It’s all in the cards

by beatricethecat



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Bering and Wells gift exchange 2018, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, Victorian holiday cards, show universe, where B&W are an established thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatricethecat/pseuds/beatricethecat
Summary: Here’s a weird little holiday-related thing, with images and words, ported over from the Bering & Wells Gift Exchange on Tumblr last year.
Relationships: Myka Bering/Helena "H. G." Wells
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	It’s all in the cards

HG: “Well, _that_ was rather unpleasant.”  
  
Claudia: “But the town’s so cute!”  
  
Myka: “It wasn’t cozy at all.”  
  
HG: “Rather hostile, in fact.“  
  
M: “'You’re not Fred and Carol,’ they kept saying.”  
  
C: “Who’s they?”  
  
M: “The townsfolk.”  
  
HG: “I hear them following.”  
  
M: “Let’s try somewhere else.“  
  
C: "Comin’ right up…”

C: “One ‘charming village with fresh snowfall.’”  
  
HG: “Not precisely what I had in mind.”  
  
M: “But your hat’s so cute!”  
  
C: “Totes adorbs, HG.”  
  
HG: “I fear it’s not disguise enough.”  
  
M: “ What are they muttering? Bjorn and…”  
  
HG: “Inge, I believe.“  
  
M: “That little guy’s staring.”  
  
HG: "Don’t look them in the eye. Claudia, onward.”  
  
C: “Gotcha.”

M: “What on earth?”  
  
C: “Where’s the piñata, right?”  
  
M: “Is this a scene from a book?”  
  
HG: _~huffs an amused sort of snort~_  
  
M: “What’s so funny?”  
  
HG: “‘And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the moon.’”  
  
M: “What’s that from?”  
  
HG: “'The Owl and the Pussy-cat.’ Oh, it delighted Christina so!“  
  
C: “Where’s the cat?”  
  
M: “I don’t see one. Were there rabbits?”  
  
HG: “A swine and a fowl, but alas, no hare.”  
  
C: “Survey says: Strike one! No rabbits, no dice.“  
  
M: “Could it be from Winnie-the-Pooh?”  
  
HG: “I’m loathed to ask what that refers to.”  
  
M: “It’s not…you’ve been spending too much time with Pete. It’s a children’s book, from the 20’s, I think.”  
  
C: “Oh my god, HG _is_ Owl!”  
  
M: “She does love to hear herself talk.”  
  
HG: “Charming, I’m sure, though I’m certain that’s not the reference.”  
  
C: “Survey says: Strike two! The postmark’s from 1885.”  
  
M: “Oh, darn.”  
  
C: “How about this: the card says, ‘By loving friends you are surrounded, Oh, be not blind to this, I pray.'”  
  
M: “That explains the blindfold.”  
  
C: “‘They wish that joy and mirth unbounded may crown your happy Christmas day.’ So smacking 'friends’ with a stick put ‘joy’ in your Christmas, HG?”  
  
HG: “What we’re witnessing, I’ve just recalled, is a children’s game, Blindman’s Wand. Grasping the stick prompted three questions from its holder. No amount of ‘smacking’ was involved.”  
  
C: “Bummer.”  
  
HG: “The owl’s turning towards us.”  
  
M: “But its body’s not moving. Creepy.”  
  
HG: “Listen, they’re chanting.”  
  
_“…Happy Christmas to Philomena and Cedric….”_  
  
HG: “Claudia…”

C: “Here ya go.”  
  
HG: “I fail to see the improvement.”  
  
C: “Come on, it’s funny! Can you see what it says?”  
  
M: “Too smoky.” _~coughs~_  
  
C: “It says, ‘May all jollity lighten your Christmas day.’ ‘Lighten,’ get it?“  
  
HG “There’s little jollity present.”  
  
M: “Just a lot of angry birds.”  
  
HG: “Remain perfectly still. Perhaps they’ll march by.”  
  
C: “You afraid they’ll torch you?”  
  
HG: “Highly likely, if previous encounters are any indication.”  
  
C: “Fine, here…”

HG: “Claudia, really!”   
  
C: _~snickers devilishly~_  
  
M: "I’ve never seen a steak dance before.”  
  
HG: “You’re certainly taking this in stride.”  
  
M: “This one _is_ funny. Look at that wine glass go!“  
  
C: “That freaky vegetable platter’s giving it a run for its money.”  
  
M: “Plus, Claud can pull us out at any time, right?”  
  
C: “Affirmative.”  
  
M: “And you were right, this _is_ our only shot at a 'getaway’ before the 'fraught nature of the holidays.’ Though this isn’t _exactly_ what I had mind.”  
  
HG: “Perhaps it was erroneous to choose from the Warehouse card collection. And to allow Claudia to curate.”  
  
C: “Just keeping it lively.”  
  
M: “Shh. They’re singing.“   
  
_"…Merry Christmas to the Adamses, good cheer to one and all…_ ”  
  
M: “The Adamses, that’s a family; the others were all couples. Claudia, is this card for them?”  
  
C: “Bingo! Ooo…I have an idea. Hang out here while I grab something.”

M: “Where are we now?”  
  
HG: “You’re not familiar?”  
  
M: “Are you?”  
  
HG: “This is Windsor Castle. The Queen’s Tree.”  
  
M: “You knew that so fast.”  
  
HG: “This is very embodiment of Victorian Christmas.”  
  
M: “I thought that was 'A Christmas Carol.’”  
  
HG: “Two sides of same the coin, one might say.”  
  
M: “Hey, you wanna find the Throne Room and make out?”  
  
HG: “Only if her majesty’s not in residence.”  
  
M: “So _she_ scares you, but that Czar in St. Petersburg—“  
  
HG: “Oh, hush.”  
  
M: “Seriously?“  
  
HG: “Trespassing in the Queen’s residence is a highly punishable offense.”  
  
M: “Since when do you care?”  
  
HG: “Since I was…”  
  
M: “Since you were _what_?”  
  
HG: “Caught replacing the Koh-i-Noor with a decoy. Warehouse business, of course.”  
  
M: “ _That’s_ not in your file.”  
  
HG: “I may have omitted trivial details.”  
  
M: “Stealing the largest diamond ever isn’t trivial.”  
  
HG: “There are larger.”  
  
M: “Not my point. What happened?”  
  
HG: “I narrowly escaped the dungeons that day.”  
  
M: “Dungeons, here? You’re making that up.”  
  
HG: “Unfortunately, no.”  
  
M: “Great. So if the guards recognize you we’re screwed.”  
  
HG: “Possibly.”  
  
M: _~glares~_  
  
HG: “Probably.”  
  
M: “We better hide until Claudia gets back.”  
  
_Several minutes pass_  
  
C: “Guys. _Guys!_ Where’d you go?”  
  
_A painting wobbles, then falls over, yanking a curtain down with it._  
  
C: “Whoa, ladies, chill with the PDA.”  
  
M: “Sorry.”  
  
HG: “We were making the most of our dire situation.”  
  
C: “Dire?”  
  
M: “I’ll fill you in later.”  
  
C: “The other paintings look mad angry.”  
  
M: “Oh, wow. They really do.”  
  
_“…Season’s Greetings to The Honorable Mr. and Mrs. Waltham…”_  
  
M: “Where did that come from?”  
  
HG: “Behind us. Claudia, quickly.“  
  
C: “Boom!”

HG: “This is rather…modern.”  
  
M: “Like a showroom.”  
  
C: “Junk mail. Condo ad from Featherhead. I hope this works.”  
  
M: “Do you feel…tingly?”  
  
HG: “I believe so.”  
  
C: “I just signed it from me to you.”  
  
HG: “Ah, the previous cards were already addressed.”  
  
C: “Survey says: ding, ding, ding!“  
  
M: “Good work Claud!”  
  
C: “Thanks. You ok in there? You look kinda blobby.”  
  
M: “We’re good. There’s even a fireplace and a piano.”  
  
C: “When should I zap you out?”  
  
M: “Maybe check back in a half an hour? Time might work differently in here than out there.”  
  
HG: “Surely, we’ll be engaged for much longer.”  
  
C: “Covering my ears.”  
  
M: “We’ll ‘engage’ once we know how time works.”  
  
HG: “But an hour in here may equal minutes out there.”  
  
M: “It hasn’t so far. Let’s get the fire going and see where that leads us.”  
  
HG: “I have copious suggestions.”  
  
M: “Patience, dear.“  
  
C: “How about you two do your thing, just in another room. Take the star off the tree when you’re ready to leave.”  
  
HG: “Noted.”  
  
C: "Claudia, signing off.”  
  
HG: “Does this scenario please you, Mrs. Bering-Wells?”  
  
M: “It’ll do nicely.”  
  
HG: “Shall we skip the fire and seek out the bedroom?”  
  
M: “Mmmm, affirmative.“  


**Author's Note:**

> Gifted to @agent-tight-pants for the Bering & Wells gift exchange 2018.
> 
> Tags from Tumblr: this began with a totally different idea and morphed into this, then took on a personality of its own. As the images took shape, text weaved those images together, and I started fitting bits of backstory in here and there. The Owl and the Pussycat is a nonsense poem written by Edward Lear, and Windsor Castle really does have a dungeon. And the Koh-i-Noor now lives in the Tower of London, but in HG's time it was owned personally by Queen Victoria and she wore it often.


End file.
